Video: Jenna Marbles Gets Drunk, Decorates Her Christmas Tree

Jenna Marbles does it drunk

Dec. 20, 2012 - I love Jenna Marbles. She's a YouTube sensation, smart, sexy, funny and irreverent. She knows the best way to decorate a Christmas tree, too: Drunk. Her ex-boyfriend even joins in the fun.

Now, we do not recommend that you try this at home, but for the sake of science we present this video. Jenna, in a selfless experiment, had a few too many adult beverages just to see how well she could hang ornaments on a tree.

Jenna did this so you would not have to endanger yourself to find out how it turns out. "I was gonna decorate my tree anyway," she says, "so I might as well get drunk and see what happens." Voila, another hit video, uploaded today! Enjoy. (Language Advisory)

Obama's Drunken Uncle Held by ICE as Illegal Alien (UPDATED with Mugshot)

August 29, 2011 - The Australian newspaper reports that Barack Obama's uncle Onyango is being held by Immigration and Customs Enforcement as an illegal immigrant. (See related video below.) Onyango Obama, 67, was drunk as hell and driving an SUV when he almost hit a police car last Wednesday night, August 24, in Framingham, Massachusetts. The photo of Onyango Obama, left, is a mugshot taken by the Framingham Police Department. The Australian notes that Onyango Obama "was detained as an illegal immigrant because the US Bureau of Immigration and Customs Enforcement has an outstanding warrant for him because he was previously ordered to be deported to Kenya." Official records say that Obama was "picked up outside The Chicken Bone Saloon in Framingham, Massachusetts, at 7:10 pm on August 24" because, police charge, "he nearly crashed his Mitsubishi 4x4 into a patrol car." MetroWest Daily News reported on August 26 that a "man illegally in the country from Kenya was drunk when he nearly ran his sport utility vehicle into a police car Wednesday night on Waverly Street, police said. After the near crash, Onyango Obama, 67, told Officer Val Krishtal that Krishtal should have yielded to his Mitsubishi SUV, according to a report filed yesterday in Framingham District Court." The report also notes that "Obama failed a Breathalyzer test, registering .14. The state legal limit is .08." (For you Obama sycophants, a breathalyzer is also known as an "inhalator.") Human Events reports that "Uncle Omar" tried to use his connection to the White House to get out of the DUI trouble.

This Post is Really Stoopid

(Nasty Language Advisory) But it sure am funny. I post videos to YouTube. (Who doesn't, right?) On most of my videos (not all), I disable the commenting for two simple reasons: First, 99.9% of comments to videos are written by semi-literate imbeciles who simply want to misdirect the anger that they still hold for their abusive parents. It's not much different than comments to most blogs. Second, why should I waste my time moderating useless rants from useless imbeciles? Of course, now and then one of those imbeciles crawls under the door and sends a comment to my YouTube inbox. Here's one now, from "charlieclockwork" on July 26: I like how disable the ability to add comments to the vids of yours that pretty much any TRUE Chicagoan would call you a pansy ass fag for giving people shit for pretty much almost completley stopping on a dead traffic day with no school in session. Everyone agrees with me and thats why your bitch ass won't let people comment. your an oversensitive duchebag, get out of MY city and go to a farm community where real life isn't happenig!! dork!! Rogers Park eats pussys liike you everyday for a snack, Morse ave CrazY bitch. Of course, I could not resist replying: Uhm, did I not just read a comment from you? I think I did! Thanks for writing. I am happy to know that my videos elicit such passionate, well-written, intelligent comments from geniuses such as you. Perhaps I should reconsider my commenting policy here. After all, having more well-crafted, thoughtful comments such as the one I am responding to would surely add to the general knowledge base of Mankind. I do, sometimes, allow commenting on videos if I think it might pull in some perspective. One such video is "Anti-Violence March, Parade in Uptown, Chicago." From 94 viewings, "Scardataz" wrote this helpful comment on August 1: THATS NICE FUCK IT UP UPLIFT  LOOK YEAH If anybody knows what that means, please let me know. I'm not sayin' it a bad comment, just that it's confusing and really doesn't add anything. Plus, it contains the word "fuck," which I never allow to be used on Chicago News Bench. Know what I'm sayin'? So, that's why I generally don't accept comments. Horrible grammar, lousy spelling, drug-induced fuzzy thoughts, incomplete rambling sentences ... I don't need it, not on a regular basis. But I admit that it makes for a stoopid-but-fun post now and again. Are YOU a citizen of the United STRAIGHTS of America?

Photos du Jour 15 March 2009 Chicago

St. Patrick's Day crowds in Chicago, Saturday, March 14, 2009. 1: N. Michigan at Wacker, by the Chicago River 2-3: W. Division near N. Dearborn in the "Rush Street" bar district Chicago News Bench RSS Feed Cool Stuff...

282 More Photographs

The Bench took over 40,000 photos in 2008. To be exact, 40,079. So, picking our favorites was a chore that took several weeks of selection and editing. Here is Part Two (of Three total), all in chronological order. Part Two, presented below as a slideshow, has 282 photos taken in March, April, May and June of 2008. (Also see Part One) Some of the things you will see in Part Two: Illinois Sec. of State Jesse White and his Tumblers, sunsets, sunrises, police in action, dogs and more dogs, beach scenes, anti-war protesters, a clown, Chicago City Council in action, a passed-out drunk, homeless people, tulips, an artist polluting our water supply, blighted commercial districts and more. Note: You can view the slideshow in autoplay, or you can click through it manually. You can turn captions on or off by clicking on the little caption icon in the lower left corner. You are also invited to go directly to our online album by clicking on this link. Enjoy. Subscribe to Chicago News Bench

Video: Joe Biden DRUNK OUTA HIS FREEKIN' MIND!

Joe Biden, village drunk, on the campaign trail in the first video, and drunk during a moment off the campaign trail in the second video. Sheeeesh!

Drunk: Joe Moore and Andrew Sharp

Reliable sources tell The Bench that 49th Ward Alderman Joe Moore and political consultant Andrew Sharp left last Saturday's Cubs game with "several other men" and proceeded to a nearby tavern.

Witnesses tell The Bench that Moore was "so drunk he was slurring his words." Sharp, a Washington DC consultant and confidante to Moore and Congressman Jan Schakowsky, was reportedly quite drunk as well.

Drunk Crashes Car Into Bike Race

An alleged drunk driver killed one person and injured 10 others when he fell asleep at the wheel and slammed into bicyclists in a Brownsville, Texas, race. Juan Campos, 28, charged with the death of Alejandro Alvarez, 37, of Monterrey, Mexico, claims he is a legal U.S. citizen residing in the Texas-Mexico border town. However, according to Associated Press reports, the U.S. Consulate has not been able to confirm his status. FULL STORY at World Net Daily... MORE: The driver, Juan Campos, was driving drunk, and claims to have fallen asleep at the wheel. He was returning from an all night drinking binge with his girlfriend on Playa Bagdad, according to Mexican authorities. He somehow managed to swing his 1989 Gran Marquis around the event's police escort before slamming into a dozen bicyclists. In the uncropped version of the photo, it looks like it wasn't too difficult. FULL POST at Xavier Thoughts...

Morse Avenue Urinal Gets New Tiles

The stairwells at the CTA's Morse Avenue Urinal are being spruced up!

The south stairs are shiny and new, ready for the drunk and stoned prostitutes, pimps, narco-retailers and Loyola students who regularly urinate, defecate and vomit here. The north stairs will be refurbished soon.

Aldershmendrik Joe Moore is unaware of this, as he only comes here when he's running for something.

Busch Gardens, Chicago!

Welcome to "Busch Gardens" in Chicago! That's right, here in the Rogers Park neighborhood, you see, we have more than our fair share of drunkards and dope addicts.

They love to hang out in Loyola Park and drink by the "Circle Garden" near the east end of Morse Avenue.

Despite the beautiful tulips planted by the Rogers Park Garden Group, this bad behavior continues. Can we expect the same at the Metra Station on Ravenswood?

Cinqo de Mayo Confusing for Liberals

O Liberals! How confusing May 5th must be for you. Cinqo de Mayo is a celebration of nationalism, sovereignty, and violence. To top it off, it encourages drunk driving and is therefore a threat to the safety of children all over the U.S. My, my, my. Cinqo de Mayo encourages drunk driving. Where are Mothers Against Drunk Driving on this? Cinqo de Mayo," an excuse for drunks in the United States to tie one on, as with St. Patrick's Day, is more of a U.S. celebration than it is in the countries they pretend to celebrate. Cinqo de Mayo celebrates nationalism! Yep, it was all about the Battle of Pueblo, in which Mexicans defended their national sovereignty! Yes, their borders! Cinqo de Mayo celebrates violence in defense of national sovereignty! So, how do all those nutty Liberals who wear buttons that say "Violence Is Not The Answer" feel about this celebration of carnage at the Battle of Pueblo? The Battle of Pueblo is what Cinqo de Mayo commemorates. It was a battle that Mexico won against French imperialist forces, but did not prevent France from actually winning the war. The French forces suffered some embarrassing early defeats, [such as the Battle of Pueblo] but were able to occupy Mexico City in June 1863. They established a puppet government under Austro-Hungarian Archduke Fernando Maximilian, who was named emperor of Mexico in 1864. (Source) So, eventually, the French won the war. Cinco de Mayo remembers the Mexican victory over France on May 5th, 1862 at the Battle of Pueblo.... The French would regroup and eventually take Mexico City. The Emperor Maximilian ruled portions of Mexico on behalf of France until he was executed in 1867. However, the heroism of the Mexicans at Pueblo showed the French and the world that they were willing to defend their country. The Mexicans had no intention of losing badly as they had in the Mexican-American War a mere 15 years earlier. (Source) As would be with their Panama Canal effort, the French just couldn't complete the mission and ultimately failed miserably. But the Battle of Pueblo had nothing to do with the ultimate failure of the French occupation. Tonight, while you're getting sloppy on tequila and margaritas, toast the brave efforts of those violent patriots who so bravely defended their national sovereignty.

Rogers Park Initiation (Welcome to the Hood)

The Glenwood Bar's initiation into Rogers Park came just past midnight. Open for less than a month, they're already getting a feel for the hood.

At a quarter past midnight, a bartender at The Glenwood was "having trouble removing a drunk customer," according to the 24th District dispatcher. Not the typical customer behavior at The Glenwood, a friendly and cozy pub on a quiet back street.

At 12:20 a.m., a marked and an unmarked car were in front of the joint. Across the alley, next to Ms. Eggroll, a drunk young man was whining his predictable protests to CPD officers. It ended without incident, but...

The Bench snapped a photo while standing on quiet, lightly traveled N. Glenwood. Suddenly, for the detective on scene, I was the main attraction. Oh man, I thought, as the big detective walked toward me, here we go again. Another cop on a power trip, allowing himself to be distracted from the task at hand by an itch on his ego.

"Why you taking pictures of my vehicle?" he asked.

"Your vehicle?" I asked, silently thinking that he doesn't own it. We do, you and me.

"Web sites, newspapers, whatever," I asked. He moved a tad bit closer, enough that I could see "F----" on his little brass nameplate.

"You can't be in the street," he said, authoritatively.

"Am I breaking some law by standing here?" I asked.

"You're creating a public nuisance," he said, adding, "If you get hit by a car it's my problem."

"Seems your problem is that drunk over there, F----," I said, immediately adding, "What is your rank?"

"I'm a police officer," he said.

"Yes, well I don't want to disrespect you by calling you 'F----.' I'd rather call you 'Sergeant F----' or 'Lieutenant F----.' So what's your rank?" I stared at his name plate.

"It's F----," he said, noticing my stare, "F-*-*-*-*. Make a note of it."

"Oh, I just did, Officer F----. I just did."

Fortunately for F---- and the other two cops on the event, the drunk didn't suddenly go crazy, pull a weapon, and hurt anybody. If that had happened while Officer F---- was allowing himself to be distracted by a citizen exercising his First Amendment rights on a quiet cobblestone street in the calm of a Sunday night, it would have been a much bigger problem than me having to casually step out of the way of an oncoming car.

Open-Air Drinking On Morse Avenue Continues

Alderman Joe Moore just doesn't get it. The pressure he's been putting on Soo Liquors at 1420 W. Morse Avenue in Rogers Park (between Glenwood and Greenview) is not working very well.

The Bench photographed the proof (no pun intended) of this failure yesterday. A couple of the local street "regulars," as the 24th District police call them, were hanging on the sidewalk in front of the troubled location in the middle of the afternoon. They were getting their drink on in full view of everybody. Finished with the Busch beer, the can was casually dropped into the gutter.

Look up Soo Liquors on Yelp.com and you'll find this darkly amusing description:

"Soo Liquors is the location of many gangbangers and hardcore drug dealers on Morse Avenue. It's very close to the Morse El Redline [sic] stop and CTA bus service. It's also locked up like a prison when it's closed. They killed all of the trees in front of thier [sic] storefront a few years back. When new trees and flowers were replanted, they were also quickly stomped down. Go to Soo Liquors if you are looking for the most violent way to purchase packaged goods."

That's a bit rough. Soo Liquors is not to blame for 40 years of paying single women to have babies. Soo Liquors is not responsible for paying welfare to slackers who would rather drink on the sidewalk than get a job. Soo Liquors is not to blame for the lowered sense of shame, pride and social responsibility. Soo Liquors is not to blame for the mentally ill people who cannot fend for themselves but are allowed to walk the mean streets alone. Soo Liquors is not responsible for the still brisk narcotics street trade in Rogers Park. It's not Soo Liquors.

No, Leftist government policies, programs and propaganda are largely to blame. Soo Liquors is as much a victim of this as anybody else is. Alderman Joe Moore is part of the Liberal Elite that has cultivated this Cretin Culture, and like his Fellow Travelers, Moore just doesn't get it.

Nice work, Mr. Moore. When will you and your elitist 49th Ward Democrat Party fuckups, and your stooges at DevCorp North, realize that the problem is not Soo Liquors but, rather, the gutter culture that crawls along Morse Avenue and decades of empowering that culture that your comrades are guilty of?

RELATED:
A Can of Colt 45 is a Can of Colt 45
Morse Avenue Update: Soo Liquors, Omelettes
Soo Liquors Best and Worst Customer

Getting Your Drink On in 60626

The best place to drink alcohol in Chicago's Rogers Park neighborhood is Loyola Park.

Many locals choose to get their drink on here. And why not? There's a great view of the lake and wide open spaces. And it's still legal to smoke there.

The Bench strolled through the park yesterday and photographed the contents of the big Chicago Park District trash cans. Lots of beer and liquor containers in there.

Congrats to the Park District for hosting such a fine party night after night after night after night.

Even 49th Ward Alderman Joe Moore has been known to drink in this park. Stories of Joe getting his drink on with buddies on the sand are legion in Rogers Park.

Joe loves to imbibe, we're told, and being a nature lover, he enjoys the open air appeal of Loyola Park. Can you blame him? Heck, a can of beer is a can of beer, right? Who cares where you drink it?

Video: Mr. Boombox Entertains Drunks in Park