Video: Jenna Marbles Gets Drunk, Decorates Her Christmas Tree

Jenna Marbles does it drunk

Dec. 20, 2012 - I love Jenna Marbles. She's a YouTube sensation, smart, sexy, funny and irreverent. She knows the best way to decorate a Christmas tree, too: Drunk. Her ex-boyfriend even joins in the fun.

Now, we do not recommend that you try this at home, but for the sake of science we present this video. Jenna, in a selfless experiment, had a few too many adult beverages just to see how well she could hang ornaments on a tree.

Jenna did this so you would not have to endanger yourself to find out how it turns out. "I was gonna decorate my tree anyway," she says, "so I might as well get drunk and see what happens." Voila, another hit video, uploaded today! Enjoy. (Language Advisory)

Chicago Alderman Encourages Public Drunkeness

"You can't trust a promise someone makes while they're

drunk, in love, hungry, or running for office." Joe Moore

Holiday Pub Crawl in Rogers Park this Sunday Dear Booze Lovers, Looking for a fun way to start the holiday season? Let's get drunk early this year at the ROGERS PARK HOLIDAY PUB CRAWL! WOO HOO! Sponsored by the Rogers Park Boozers Alliance (RPBA), the Pub Crawl takes place this Sunday, December 6th, 4-8 p.m., starting at the RPBA's office, 1448 W. Morse. I don't know if they'll have open booze in the office, but we can certainly hope so! Now, there are a lot of drinking establishments in the 49th Ward, but we're only going to the ones that are owned by my political allies! Why not, right?!? What the hell do you care if I show preference over all of the other fine saloons in Rogers Park? Here are the pubs owned by my political suck-ups: • Duke's Hideaway, 6920 N. Glenwood Ave. (Niel the owner is on lots of my committees! Niel and his wife Mary think I'm an idiot, but they're useful to me and I tell the cops to ignore the dope smoking in the parking lot behind the place.) • Heartland Cafe Buffalo Bar, 7000 N. Glenwood Ave. (Owners Michael and Katie are two of my best aparatchiks. In spite of them being shut down last year for having a filthy kitchen and moldy ice machine, I'm sure they'll serve drinks in clean glasses. Just don't look at the ice cubes too closely!) • The Morseland, 1218 W. Morse Ave. (Purely opportunist politically, the owners and management hate my guts, but they play ball with me and that's all I care about.) • The Glenwood, 6962 N. Glenwood Ave. (This is a "gay" bar, and gays are generally Democrats, and Democrats will vote for a box of kitty litter if you call it a Democrat. And I call myself a Democrat, so drink up Mary!) We'll just avoid these other drinking establishments, even though they pay taxes too. These people do not deserve the honor of my presence: The Oasis, 6809 North Sheridan Road Jarheads, 6973 North Clark Street Poitinstil, 1502 West Jarvis Avenue Lighthouse Tavern, 7301 North Sheridan Road Bruno and Tim's Lounge, 6572 North Sheridan Road There are more, of course, but I don't want to give them free advertising. Say, this reminds me: Did you ever see that great video of me on a pub crawl in 2007 when I was buying drinks for voters and giving away cheap trinkets? No? You can see it by clicking here. Tickets are $10 if purchased in advance, $15 at the door. No one under 21 years old will be admitted. Don't ask me where the proceeds will go. It's none of your business. You can purchase tickets online at www.brownstreaminmypants.com/event/87573 , or pay at the door at RPBA's office on the day of the event. For more information contact drunk@rogerspark.com. I look forward to getting shitfaced and pissing in an alleyway with you on Sunday! Sincerely, Joe Moore Visit the website of the 49th Ward Click here to be removed from our email list Leave a Comment Conservative T-Shirts Follow CNB on Twitter RSS Feed

Busch Gardens, Chicago!

Welcome to "Busch Gardens" in Chicago! That's right, here in the Rogers Park neighborhood, you see, we have more than our fair share of drunkards and dope addicts.

They love to hang out in Loyola Park and drink by the "Circle Garden" near the east end of Morse Avenue.

Despite the beautiful tulips planted by the Rogers Park Garden Group, this bad behavior continues. Can we expect the same at the Metra Station on Ravenswood?

Cinqo de Mayo Confusing for Liberals

O Liberals! How confusing May 5th must be for you. Cinqo de Mayo is a celebration of nationalism, sovereignty, and violence. To top it off, it encourages drunk driving and is therefore a threat to the safety of children all over the U.S. My, my, my. Cinqo de Mayo encourages drunk driving. Where are Mothers Against Drunk Driving on this? Cinqo de Mayo," an excuse for drunks in the United States to tie one on, as with St. Patrick's Day, is more of a U.S. celebration than it is in the countries they pretend to celebrate. Cinqo de Mayo celebrates nationalism! Yep, it was all about the Battle of Pueblo, in which Mexicans defended their national sovereignty! Yes, their borders! Cinqo de Mayo celebrates violence in defense of national sovereignty! So, how do all those nutty Liberals who wear buttons that say "Violence Is Not The Answer" feel about this celebration of carnage at the Battle of Pueblo? The Battle of Pueblo is what Cinqo de Mayo commemorates. It was a battle that Mexico won against French imperialist forces, but did not prevent France from actually winning the war. The French forces suffered some embarrassing early defeats, [such as the Battle of Pueblo] but were able to occupy Mexico City in June 1863. They established a puppet government under Austro-Hungarian Archduke Fernando Maximilian, who was named emperor of Mexico in 1864. (Source) So, eventually, the French won the war. Cinco de Mayo remembers the Mexican victory over France on May 5th, 1862 at the Battle of Pueblo.... The French would regroup and eventually take Mexico City. The Emperor Maximilian ruled portions of Mexico on behalf of France until he was executed in 1867. However, the heroism of the Mexicans at Pueblo showed the French and the world that they were willing to defend their country. The Mexicans had no intention of losing badly as they had in the Mexican-American War a mere 15 years earlier. (Source) As would be with their Panama Canal effort, the French just couldn't complete the mission and ultimately failed miserably. But the Battle of Pueblo had nothing to do with the ultimate failure of the French occupation. Tonight, while you're getting sloppy on tequila and margaritas, toast the brave efforts of those violent patriots who so bravely defended their national sovereignty.