Dumbest Spam Email of the Week

A good con artist is smooth, slick and presents him/herself well to the target. Many scam artists work from outside of the United States via email, but they don't seem to understand a basic reality: If you're trying to convince us that you're trustworthy, don't mangle the English language and don't use names that sound absurd. This spam email, reproduced below, was received today. "Dear ericpinkfloyd" is the first clue that this is (a) from another country, (b) from an idiot, (c) from someone who has no idea how use American/English salutations. --Dear ericpinkfloyd Friday, July 16, 2010 9:57 AM From: "supachai jaichapor" To: ericpinkfloyd@yahoo.com Hi,Dear: we are wholesalers in china.We can sent our product to USA,Germany,Europe and so on.x we have established a good business relationship with the manufactoies.So we can get the best price there. And we mainly do our business in bulk with our agents, so we should provide them our best price as well.Therefore, our prce is lower than the market price.We provide the kinds of shoes,T-shirts,MP3/MP4,Watches and guitar. For example Nike, Puma,Adidas,ED hardy,Apple and so on. Prices depend on the quantity of your order. the more is the lower. pleasse contact us. Sure, I'll be in touch if ever I'm interested in your crappy Chinese counterfeit merchandise. This partcular email reminds me of one the running gags in the classic film "Buckaroo Banzai." In that film, invaders from the 8th dimension infiltrated industry and the government by using crazy names such as "John Bigbooty." I like "Eric Pinkfloyd" for it's comical effect, but wonder how "supachai jaichapor" came to think that "Pinkfloyd" is anybody's surname.

Big Marijuana Website Links to Chicago News Bench

Yesterday, Marathon Pundit received an email from a major Canadian marijuana website. It was actually intended for me, but was sent to the wrong address. MP kindly forwarded my way. Turns out it's a form letter sent to other websites, but I thought we'd have some fun with it. First, the email from doper "Mark Thompson," then my reply. From: Mark Thompson [rollitup.org] Date: Sat, 14 Mar 2009 06:15:20 -0700 To: [Marathon Pundit] Subject: Your Marijuana Site Hello, Recently I visited your website http://rogersparkbench.blogspot.com;while visiting your site I noticed that you link to http://www.nationalreview.com at this address: http://rogersparkbench.blogspot.com/. As we are closely related to them, I would love to exchange links with your website, currently there are about 5,000 - 7,000 people per day that goto my site and search for information, Therefore I would to link to an excellent site like yours. I have taken the liberty of adding your site to my home page: http://www.rollitup.org to determine if it is of any benefit to you, if you have a stats program you can check it and let me know. By looking at my stats, it looks like today I have sent you 10 visitors but it may change by the time you receive this email. Some website owners do not like when other sites link to them so I thought I might ask first. I think the information on your website could be useful to my visitors; and maybe you could receive some extra relevant traffic if you want. Please get back to me when you have a chance to let me know if its ok to link to your website like this. Have a good week, Mark Thompson email: mark.thompson@rollitup.org website: http://www.rollitup.org This email was sent to [Marathon Pundit], by mark.thompson@rollitup.org 136 Hidden Crescent Green - Calgary - Alberta - Canada --- MY REPLY --- Dear Mr. Thompson, Your marijuana activities seem to have affected your ability to think clearly. For some bizarre reason, you seem to think that linking to my conservative blog makes sense on your dope promoting Canadian website, "rollitup," "the marijuana source." By the way, you sent your note, intended for me apparently, to another blogger. Fortunately, that blogger, Marathon Pundit, forwarded it to me. I am grateful for that, as it provided me with many hearty chuckles and an amusing post. (Marathon Pundit is a conservative blog, too, so it's doubly mysterious why you would send such a note to either of us.) In your dope-addled mind, you seem to believe that your marijuana website is "closely related" to the conservative National Review. You couldn't be more wrong, Mr. Thompson. I doubt very much that they are in any way connected to, or approve of, your stoner website. Your drug-induced confusion gets progressively worse as your note continues. In your second paragraph, you state that you have already added my site to your home page (http://www.rollitup.org). Yet, your third paragraph begins with "Some website owners do not like when other sites link to them so I thought I might ask first." Huh? You already took the liberty to add my link, but you thought you'd ask first? Really, Mr. Thompson, how much dope did you smoke prior to writing your confused note to me at an incorrect email address? For some reason, you felt it necessary to explain your linkage to "Rogersparkbench." Note that the correct name is "Chicago News Bench." You stated you added a link to my site "to determine if it is of any benefit" to me. The answer to that ("duh, yes") is obvious to anybody not sucking a bong. One wonders why you would care about my stats. You go on to say, "if you have a stats program you can check it and let me know. By looking at my stats, it looks like today I have sent you 10 visitors but it may change by the time you receive this email." Uh, yah, I do have a stats program and it shows that you sent me zero visitors on March 14 and none so far today. You may need a new stats program, sir. Or, perhaps, you need to stop smoking so much dope that you cannot read your own stats correctly. You end your intoxicated email with "Please get back to me when you have a chance to let me know if its ok to link to your website like this." Well, sure, Mr. Thompson, it's okay. I'll take hits where I can get them, but as I noted above, you've already linked to me, just above "Hydroponics," "BC Marijuana Party" and "NORML." I personally find your website to be disgusting. Don't take that personally, but do know that I will not link to your semicomatose website, Mr. Thompson. I urge you get help. Just say no, Tom RELATED: ~ Yikes! ~ UP IN SMOKE? It's Up To Me To Stay Drug Free Rollitup.org Blows http://www.nabble.com/Your-Marijuana-Site-td22512754.html#a22512754 Chicago News Bench RSS Feed Cool Stuff...

Joe Moore's Vile Supporters

WARNING: There is vulgar language further down in this post. A loving, compassionate Joe Moore supporter wrote a childish, vulgar and fraudulent email to me today. Please let me share it with you. Curiously, it appeared to be from me. Upon opening it, however, I found that it was from somebody who used my name as part of a gmail (Google email) address. The writer is obviously not well educated. The grammar, spelling and punctuation are 7th grade level quality. The thinking is muddled. Of course, we cannot tell if that is caused by years of drug abuse, eating too much lead paint as a child, a brain injury, bad genetics, or having gone through the Chicago Public School system. Perhaps, sadly, the writer is mentally retarded. For example, the person wrote, "Even Craig and his blog have cleaned up it's act..." Hmmm. The writer made the common mistake of writing "it's" (short for "it is") when they should have written "its" (no apostrophe, which indicates possession). But even that would not have been correct because "Craig and his blog" is plural, so the writer should have said "their act." However, a blog is not a sentient entity, and so is incapable of cleaning up its act. I believe what the writer was attempting to say there was "Craig has cleaned up his act on his blog," or something to that effect. Perhaps the writer was addled by substance abuse. It seems to this lay person that the writer could be manic. The vulgarity of the fraudulent email address used by the sender speaks volumes. Hmmm, reminds me of a recent vulgar email about a local punk rocker's birthday celebration. Hmmm. Joe Moore, in addition to his lousy performance as an elected official, will have a legacy that includes a legion of vulgar morons who supported him. How proud Joe Moore must be to have people like this behind him. How proud the rest of Joe Moore's twisted supporters must be. Oh, before I forget, I wanted to let you know just how easy it was for me to report this email and all the spam I've been getting over the past week to the Internet Crime Complaint Center ("IC3"). The IC3 is "gives the victims of cyber crime a convenient and easy-to-use reporting mechanism that alerts authorities of suspected criminal or civil violations. For law enforcement and regulatory agencies at the federal, state, local, and international level, IC3 provides a central referral mechanism for complaints involving Internet related crimes." The Illinois Attorney General also has an easy to use site with complaint forms. Here, then, is the email described above: Date: Sun, 18 May 2008 04:04:24 -0500 From: "Tom Mannis" tommannissucksdick@gmail.com Subject: Greetings Greetings, I really don't love your blog..........well, maybe, I could, possibly like it a bit, well, if well.......we'll see, maybe you'll learn to give true and real facts (not biased lies), and educate yourself on the topics you are posting, Rodham, that still kills me, and a all the almost facts about Joe Moore, yup, the fact are almost true, and how could you let a band, a punk band get under your skin? That's hilarious, a band, throwing you into a little frenzy, I mean really, I do get the Joe Moore hatred from a lot of folks, but damn, you are truly nuts. Even Craig and his blog have cleaned up it's act a bit with more truth that crap. But you're nothing more than a wannabe, shock journalist, willing to victimize anyone who doesn't agree with your views, and that's just pitiful,and you are, pitiful and pathetic.

READ AND COMPLY

I must be very important. All of these people trying desperately to reach me everyday. They need my help. I am distressed that I am not able to help them all. l. hillary clinton I wiating your reply urgent. Mrs Baraka Azis SEEKING FOR PARTNERSHIP. abu hussein MUCH CO-OPERATION WILL BE REQUIRED FROM YOU Hajia Mariam Dear Beloved, Ald. Joe Moore YOUR E-MAIL HAVE WON!!! info mail CONGRATULATIONS!!! Giant Chess BIGGEST CHESS - smallest price clement adams FROM THE DESK OF DR .CLEMENT ADAM bill clinton NOW CONTACT MY SECRETARY, ahman muzazahNom From ahman Muzazah. rudy giuliani I AM WAITING FOR YOUR URGENT REPLY. mayor daley READ AND COMPLY Margaret Ferguson NOTICE... CONGRATULATIONS musa thomson FROM: MR.MUSA THOMSON. -Camila Andrade- Fotos !! Mrs Mariam Mohamed GOOD NEWS.

Is Your Male Device Size Good Enough?

"Don't be shame along of of your male device size," says the email subject line from "Dr. Doris Ledford." My "male device" works just fine. Or so I'm told. But "Dr. Leford" assures me that I should not be ashamed of it. Apparently she thinks my device is substandard, and in her own awkward way is reassuring me. Of course, "Dr. Ledford" is a spammer. He/she/they are probably spamming from a country outside of the United States, since no English speaker would use a phrase such as "Don't be shame along of of your male device size." I mean, really. The people in other nations who create the spam that most of us get are either complete fools - believing that we are stupid enough to open such an email and follow its advice - or they are correct in their assumption that enough of us are stupid enough to make their poorly written spams worth their effort. These things can be amusing if you're not a total moron. If you are, these things can ruin your life with credit card scams and identity theft. "Mavis Addo" says, "Hello My New Freind." Spell "friend" correctly and no, I still wouldn't open this spam. "dr rhama" writes, "FROM THE DESK OF MR.rhama abbas SQ." Hmmm. This "rhama" character seems to have an identity crisis. Is he a doctor or just a mister? Is his name being in all lower case a sign of insecurity? "kelly griffis" is "TRUSTING TO HEAR FROM YOU." Right. Well, "kelly," your trust was misplaced. Sorry. "UK NATIONAL ONLINE LOTTERY AWARD" wrote to tell me that "WINNING NOTIFICATION!!! YOUR EMAIL HAVE WON YOU A LOTTERY." Bad grammar from the UK? Or bad grammar and a scam spam from the PDR of China? You guess. "info@ rogersparkvoter.org" thought that many of us are stupid enough that we need them to inform us by email that "The Weather Outside is Frightful!" Okay, "rogersparkvoter.org" is not exactly a spammer, they're a known entity and not malicious. But an email such as this one qualifies as spam because it was (a) unsolicited, (b) stupid and (c) unneeded. "uklot1@wappi.com" sends "GREETINGS FROM STELLA." Who the hell is Stella? Why can't she send her own greetings to me? "usman azizi" sends an email "With Due Respect." Of course, if "usman" truly respected me he would not be sending me unsolicited spam email. Be careful out there. Never open an email attachment from somebody you do not know. Always scan an email from somebody you do know before opening an attachment from them; they might have unintentionally sent you a virus-infected attachment from somebody else.