Stench Removed - Again! (Ha ha ha ha ha!)

"STENCHTOO" GETS "STRIKETWO" THANKS BLOGGER! Wanna go for three, Brettly? Oh, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha !!!!! What was that, like a four day life span? Oh, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha !!!!! Hey kids, see related: Internet Loses Its "Stench" Oh, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha !!!!!

Red Line Tap Bartender's Obscene Email Blast

WARNING: Obscene Language in this post

BARTENDER URGES US TO PARTY AT THE RED LINE TAP WITH OUR GENITALIA SHOWING

One of Rogers Park's favorite bartenders is turning 35. He's still a little boy at heart.

In fact, Brettly ("Bartender for Life Unless I Become a Rock Star") of the Red Line Tap is throwing quite a celebration. He's announced it to the world, in the same way that a randy 7th grade boy might.

Brettly sent out an email with a subject line that would make a sailor blush (see below). This uninvited, vile obscenity seems to be in jest, but one never knows these days; Brettly may actually be urging you to show up at the Red Line Tap, folks, with your genitalia hanging out of your pants. Or skirt. Or, perhaps, with no pants or skirt at all. Ladies, you are encouraged to show yours as well.

Let's just reprint the email that Brettly sent us. (Date, time, address omitted.)

From: roundeyesucks@gmail.com

Subject: Rock Out With Your Cock out - Jam Out With Your Clam Out - Brettly of Roundeye is Turning 35

Come Celebrate Brettly's 35th Birthday with Roundeye, The Magnafux, I Love Rich and Genral Patton and His Privates

---------day, May XX at the Red Line Tap

Chicago, IL

Show starts at X pm Sharp
Roundeye goes on @ XX pm
Playing all of your favorites like Fat Wet Hole, Why'd I take you Home, Caught with the Meat in Your Mouth, The Dick Wet Song featuring the Dick Wet Choir and Many More!

2.50 pints of 312 and Honkers Ale - cheap like Mad Magazine

See you There, Keith, Davide, Brettly - Roundeye

Happy fucking birthday, Little Boy.

HEARTLAND CAFE VIOLATES LIQUOR LAW

Kudos to Craig at Broken Heart for digging into this story. 

When RPB first hinted at this story last week, it set off a small firestorm of whispers and gossip. The rumors are true. The accusations are true. 

The Heartland Cafe, a vile institution with a door open to vermin and rats, whose sister bar the Red Line Tap maintained a broken window for six months, whose partner Michael James rents five garage spaces to unlicensed food vendors, is in serious breach of the conditions of it liquor license. 

Oh, but folks, this is just the beginning. Wait until you what's next. Scandal, scandal, scandal. Just wait. 

RELATED: 

• Question for Katy Hogan 
• Questions for Michael James 
• Heartland Cafe Open to Rats, Vermin 
• But Michael James Knows NOW... 
• Earth to Michael James: Shut Up

Hippy in an SUV

There was a "peace" rally ("troops out now, screw the Iraqis, no war for oil") in Rogers Park. That's not the story here. The story is the old hippie driving the SUV.

Last night I was at the Red Line Tap in Rogers Park, Chicago. For those of you who don't know the Red Line, it's aptly named in two ways: It is next to the "Red Line" of the Chicago Transit Authority elevated train, and it is also a popular gathering place for folks who have a political orientation that follows something of a red line.

There was an anti-war gathering earlier that day, all very peaceful, at the adjacent Heartland Cafe. You need to know this: There is a realistic sculpture of a broken Navy missile perched atop the Heartland. The Heartland and the Red Line are owned by the same people.

There was an old hippy in front of the Red Line Tap last night. He had been at the anti-war rally earlier and still had anti-war posters taped all over his Nissan SUV. Somebody had slashed his front right tire, perhaps because they disagreed with his politics or perhaps it was one of our many clinically insane neighbors killing time between drug deals. Either way it's wrong. Nevertheless, it provided some humor.

I couldn't resist going out to get a closer look. "Excuse me," I asked Mr. Natural, "what kind of gas mileage do you get on that SUV?"

"I don't know," he said, a bit gruffly. That was enough. I returned to my beer inside while my friend Ghostphotog snapped these pictures.

We laughed about the guy outside. There he was, insisting that the war in Iraq is all about oil, all the while driving around all day in an SUV, guzzling who knows how much gas. By his own admission, he didn't know how much.

I wonder if the hypocrisy and the irony ever registered with him.

I wonder if he realizes that he's nearly as hypocritical as Al Gore, who goes from slide show to slide show in a private jet. That is, when he's not at one of his five energy chugging mansions.