Tuesday, November 4, 2008


What if there is a riot at Grant Park tonight? Here are some survival tips just in case you find a bunch of loopy Obama supporters surrounding your car as you drive near Grant Park tonight. There probably won't be any trouble at Chicago's Grant Park tonight, where Barack Obama expects to celebrate a victory. But what if there is trouble in or near the crowd, expected to be well over half a million people? Gang bangers have caused trouble, even murder, in and near Grant Park recently, and you can bet there will be ne'er do wells there tonight, too. Suppose, however, the worst case scenario: McCain barely wins. There is no decision tonight (think Election 2000) and pissed off, stoned, drunk Obama fans get, you know, ornery. Suppose...suppose it turns into Million Man Mayhem. Like, a riot? Popular Mechanics magazine, of all things, has a great article called "Worst-Case Scenarios: How To Survive A Riot." Some of the advice seems good. Some not so good. For example: Do Not Run: Unless your life is in imminent danger, walk. A person walking is harder for the eye to detect--the human eye can quickly sight someone running. Running also can generate excitement--people may chase you. If you must travel by car, be prepared for evasive maneuvers. I dunno. A bunch of crazed Obamaniacs coming at me, eyes all glazed over? I'm gonna run like hell, man. I might keep running until I get to Canada. God help us all. North by Northwestern has a piece with the slightly shorter title of "How To Survive A Riot." Their advice seems a bit more level-headed. For example: Trust your instincts. “If you think it’s okay to stand in the crowd and wait for a riot to pass,” McAleer says, “you’d be making a mistake. You need to trust your instincts and get out of the situation.” With the majority of the police controlling rioters, it will be up to you to direct yourself to safety. Put complete trust in that almost-Ivy-League brain that your parents gave you.

In other words, run like hell. You'll be on your own. ALSO SEE: Chicago Prepares for a Million Election Partiers at officer.com.