The Bench will be covering the Democrat National Convention by means of a complicated and highly sophisticated system of telecommunications and high tech.
And get this - I will be doing so in a room full of Democrats! Ooooooo...Scary! It will be like a visit to the set of Night of the Living Dead, but with gobs of good liquor.
The location cannot be revealed at this time because of security concerns. But I have managed, by the grace of the God that so many Democrats deny exists, to wangle my way into a Democrat den of VIPs.
They will be hypnotized by the Obamessiah, so I should have an easy time going through their purses and picking their pockets, which would only serve them right after picking the pockets and snatching the purses of Mr. and Mrs. America for lo these many decades. I speak, of course, metaphorically. I am perilously close to digressing, so I will turn now to the
Miracle of Technology, brought to us by private sector sweat and sacrifice, despite the constant meddling of the union rabble.
As Barack Obama speaks to 75,000 hypnotized people in Denver on Thursday evening, The Bench will watching it in real time. Keep in mind that many of those hypnotized people will also be stoned out of their minds, which only enhances the effects of the hypnosis.
Highly trained television camera operators and sound technicians will capture every lie and grunt coming out of
Obama's mouth. Those words and sounds will be instantly converted to digital signals, then passed at the speed of light through processing boards, shot out again at the speed of light via microwave to a nearby Denver television station, where the signals will be uploaded to satellites hundreds of miles over the Earth in
geostationary orbit. Those satellites will turn the signals around and beam them to various points of North America.
The Bench will be sitting with a plush nightclub, attending a party - not just any party, mind you. There will be booze. I will probably be offered marijuana by some of the Democrats there. Naturally, I will politely abstain because my moral character is far superior to the cretin Liberals. I know that the offer of marijuana is a kind gesture of generosity, however misguided it may be. So as not to insult my hosts, and to avoid serious personal injury, I'll just smile and say, "No, thank you. You'll go to Hell for smoking that, you should know. Repent now before it's too late. I think I'll have another vodka instead of that pot, Sinner."
The event is the final night of the 2008 Democrat National Convention in Denver. Thank the God that so many heathen Democrats deny.
As Barack Obama speaks to 75,000 hypnotized people in Denver on Thursday evening, The Bench will watching it in real time. Keep in mind that many of those hypnotized people will also be stoned out of their minds, which only enhances the effects of the hypnosis.
Highly trained television camera operators and sound technicians will capture every lie and grunt coming out of Obama's mouth. Those words and sounds will be instantly converted to digital signals, then passed at the speed of light through processing boards, shot out again at the speed of light via microwave to a nearby Denver television station, where the signals will be uploaded to satellites hundreds of miles over the Earth in geostationary orbit. Those satellites will turn the signals around and beam them to various points of North America.
The Bench will be sitting with a plush nightclub, attending a party - not just any party, mind you. There will be booze. I will probably be offered marijuana by some of the Democrats there. Naturally, I will politely abstain because my moral character is far superior to the cretin Liberals. I know that the offer of marijuana is a kind gesture of generosity, however misguided it may be. So as not to insult my hosts, and to avoid serious personal injury, I'll just smile and say, "No, thank you. You'll go to Hell for smoking that, you should know. Repent now before it's too late. I think I'll have another vodka instead of that pot, Sinner."
The event is the final night of the 2008 Democrat National Convention in Denver. Thank the God that so many heathen Democrats deny.
