Monday, August 31, 2009

Plan Nine From The 50th Ward

One of my favorite drinking games involves Avy Meyers, clown prince of local public access (amateur) television political shows. He plays talk show host from his dining room, in his musty house in West Ridge (a.k.a. West Rogers Park). He wears a yarmulke. This is crucial to the drinking game, mind you. I have nothing against yarmulkes or Jews, so calm down already. My father's family was entirely Jewish and I am proud of the heritage. I've worn a yarmulke at funerals and weddings out of respect, but since I am religiously Jewish myself I don't usually wear one. My point is simply this: Meyers is chronically distracted by his shifting yarmulke, frequently flinging his limp-wristed hand up to stop it from falling off his head. The drink game is simple enough: Every time Avy Meyers catches or adjusts his unpinned yarmulke you down a shot of whatever is at hand. If you follow the politics of Chicago's 50th Ward, you'll get the graphic at left. If you don't live there, or if you don't follow the politics there, please excuse this post - unless you're interested in how Chicago's Vice Mayor uses a local fool named Avy Meyers as a propaganda mouthpiece. Click images to enlarge The parody graphic, left, is based on the 2007 50th Ward Run-Off Election show. Stone was in a tight race with Naisy Dolar. Meyers did a special live show just to help his buddy Berny get re-elected (and he was so excited to be live!) on CAN TV, a public cable access station in Chicago. The show is produced by S I Hersh Productions and posts to YouTube under "sonnyhtv." You could spend a month laughing your way through the cliche-bad episodes archived there. There is also a poorly designed web site for their North Town News Magazine. Meyers describes himself as an "objective journalist." In fact, he is not objective, and the show began with a voice over from a show staffer saying "Good luck Bernie!" So much for the objectivity. It's all downhill from there as it turns into a shameless lovefest for Alderman Stone. Meyers dedicated a huge portion of the show figuratively felating Stone in a shameful display of unobjective suckup behavior. It was his usual performance as regards Berny Stone, and is one of the reasons that respected sources such as the Chicago Reader has called Meyers a "racist. [and] pimp for corrupt Machine politicians." This is television that is so bad that it's accidentally good, in the same way that one of the worst movies ever, Plan Nine From Outer Space, is so entertaining. If you find disasters fascinating, you'll be mesmerized by any of Meyers's shows. One of the worst/best is the self-indulgent episode, "Marty Levinson, The Ultimate Barber." It defies description. You just have to see it. (If Avy Meyers is hoping for a break a la the goof in Wayne's World, he needs a reality check. It ain't gonna happen.) What will Avy do after Berny Stone, in his 80's, is no longer alderman of the 50th? Will Avy ever vacuum the gold shag carpeting in his dining room/video studio again after Berny walks on it for the last time? (Has Avy ever vacuumed that carpet?) Why does that carpet smell of mildew? We hope Avy continues after Berny Stone, uhm, leaves office. Which he will, of course, everybody does eventually. Perhaps Avy Meyers will find new love with one of his other objects of fascination, such as Joe Moore, Todd Stroger or Larry Suffredin. RELATED: avy meyers in Chicago IL : How to Wear a Yarmulke - eHow WikiAnswers - How does the yarmulke stay on the head