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Twitter Suspended Me For Asking How Cardi B Wipes Her Nether Region. Really.

On May 27, Twitter suspended me. LOL.

How does Cardi B use toilet paper?
Photo: Andrew H. Walker/Shutterstock
That's right, Twitter, that cesspool of hate speech, easily-accessible pornography, foul language, and generally sick behavior, suspended me for violating their poorly-enforced rules.

Let's be clear: I doubt that somebody working at Twitter HQ perused my past tweets.

As you see in the screenshot below, one of my two "violations" occurred way back on April 9. The other was from today, May 27.

This leads me to believe that a leftist or Cardi B fan decided to "get" me and scoured my past tweets.

Twitter's Suspension Notice
Click to Enlarge
If you've ever spent an hour or more on Twitter you'll know that my "offenses" were relatively benign. I admit that I wouldn't speak like that "in polite company," but Twitter is not polite company.

Here is the notice I got from Twitter, at left (click to enlarge).

Let me break this down. I did not "promote violence against, threaten, or harass other people on the basis of race, ethnicity, national origin, sexual orientation, gender, gender identity, religious affiliation, age, disability, or serious disease." 

 My first offense (left) involved Cardi B. Does Twitter consider very long fingernails to be one of the aforementioned groups, persons, or conditions that merit special protection status? Apparently so.

By asking how Cardi B can "wipe her butt with those skank nails," I was hoping (really, I was) that someone would reply and tell me.

Seriously: How does a person with such long nails wipe without ... well, you know.

This is a real hygiene question that should be addressed. Alas, I could have just looked it up. See, it really is a serious question. It's legit enough that the Huffington Post UK published "How Do Ladies With Long Nails Wipe Their Nether Regions?" It's an interesting article; I suggest you read it.

Professional Attention Whore Kathy Griffin
Perhaps if I had asked how Cardi B wipes her "nether region" instead of "butt" Twitter might have cut me some slack. Yes, I called her a "skank" but that's my personal opinion, and she's a public figure. Deal with it.

"Skank," by the way, defined as "a sleazy or unpleasant person." That's Cardi B, the gal who just told rioters in Minneapolis that they're justified in burning and looting. An unpleasant skank is she.

That leads us to another skank...

Without the paint, it's just a rusty car.
In my tweet about attention whore Kathy Griffin, another public figure, I accurately referred to her as an "attention whore." Unless you've been living under a rock for the past 10 years, you know that Kathy Griffin really is an attention whore.

Lexico defines "attention whore" as "A person who behaves in a provocative, outrageous, or reprehensible manner in order to attract attention."

 That's Kathy Griffin, who recently suggested killing President Trump with an air-filled syringe.

You surely remember her deliberately provocative, outrageous, reprehensible stunt of holding a fake, bloody Trump head up. Did Twitter spank me for correctly calling Griffin an attention whore?

Or maybe because I also called her a "phony." She is a phony, which is plain to see. Only with a thick coat of paint does Griffin begin to resemble a human female. She presents herself as something she is not. And that's false advertising, a.k.a. "phony."

Post Script: Here's a lovely sentiment from skank Cardi B, encouraging rioting and looting:
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