Thursday, June 27, 2013

Photos: Jay Carney, Rachel Maddow Become Each Other

June 27, 2013 - CNB Exclusive - Here are the first-ever photos of White House Press Secretary Jay Carney and MSNBC host Rachel Maddow after they swapped bodies and career paths. To complete the switch, the two changed their names. They also had their heads transplanted onto each other's body, a procedure now covered by Obamacare. Carney is now "Jay Maddow," and Maddow is now "Rachel Carney."  Jay Maddow is now the host of MSNBC's "Jay Maddow Show," and Rachel Carney is the new White House Press Secretary.  Continued below the photos...
Jay Carney and Rachel Maddow Switch!
An unnamed White House staffer told Chicago News Bench yesterday that the switch should not come as a  shock to anybody. "I mean, really," she said in an NSA-monitored phone call, "there's been speculation for a long time that Jay and Rachel were the same person. That's crazy, you know, cuz like, you know, they're just not. If they were, the body switch would not have been possible. Or needed. You know?"

Asked whether Rachel Carney would be able to handle the job of Press Secretary, our source was upbeat. "Sure, why not, you know? I mean, the old Rachel Maddow was probably a better cheerleader for this administration than the old Jay Carney was. I think Jay was getting too stressed out here, and the, you know, his new job over at MSNBC will let him ask tough questions. He got like really, really tired of answering tough questions. Right? You know? Who wouldn't, right?"

An MSNBC spokesperson, who also declined to be identified in a phone call that was also monitored by NSA, said that they are very excited about the switch. "It's sexy and innovative," he said, "and the novelty will appeal to our audience. In fact, a large portion our audience, all 327 of them I think, are sexually ambiguous anyway. They probably won't even notice. And a lot of them already thought that Jay and Rachel were the same guy. They not only look alike, they think, talk, walk and use a urinal alike."

Our calls to Maddow and Carney were not returned.