Friday, June 1, 2012

New Holiday: "Insult A Bastard Day"

June 1, 2012 - We all know at least a few. Odds are, you work for one. Bastards are everywhere, and they can make our lives miserable if we let them. Finally, someone is doing something serious about this. Sort of.

Elmer Williams, who calls himself the "Angry Black Man" in his YouTube conservative rant videos, has declared a new national holiday called "Insult a Bastard Day."

Okay, it's not exactly official. I mean, it's not as though Congress has declared "Insult a Bastard Day." Not that the bastards who make up the majority of the membership of Congress would do such a thing, but that's not the real point here. The point is that there should be a holiday devoted to insulting bastards, dammit, and I would love to see somebody urge their congressbastard to introduce a bill for this holiday.

... and dumb bastards just make him angrier
Bastards? What kind of bastards? Williams, I'm certain, does not mean "bastards" as in male children born to unmarried parents. No, he means a-holes, dickheads, douchebags, b*tches and related people. He means the kind of "bastard" as in "some bastard just shot my dog," not as in "former presidential candidate John Edwards has a bastard child."

While some of those types are Republicans and conservatives, the vast majority of course are Democrats and liberals. Williams explains that he especially wants to insult Al Sharpton and the nutters of the Occupy movement.

Williams insults bastards daily, bless him, so he really doesn't need a holiday for that purpose. But many of you do need a day set aside, just once a year, during which you are free to just lob insults freely at bastards.

The video is entertaining, but the call for the creation of - and observance of - Insult a Bastard Day is the main thing here. Contact the bastard who represents you in Congress and demand that this become an official national holiday. Now we need to figure out the perfect gift for the bastard who has everything.