Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Tiny Steve Jobs Injured In Tragic iPad Accident

March 2, 2011 - San Francisco - Apple CEO Steve Jobs, recently miniaturized, was injured yesterday when an iPad was accidentally set down on him during a press event at Yerba Buena Center for the Arts. The accident happened as a product demonstrator misread his cues and did not see the tiny Jobs, who stood where the iPad was to be displayed. The demonstrator placed the iPad on top of Jobs, who suffered a number of broken bones was rushed to a nearby hospital. He is reported to be in stable condition today. Scientists at Apple had secretly made Jobs shrink to a mere 2.5 inches in height just minutes before the event to demonstrate Apple's ability to make things smaller. Apple's Chief of Miniaturization Dr. Robert Little, Ph.D. told Chicago News Bench, "We thought, wow, what a cool way to really emphasize just how thin and slim the new iPad is," said Dr. Little. "We never thought the product demonstrator would set the iPad on top of him. This is a tragedy for all of us. We hope he makes it." The new iPad measures 9.5 by 7.3 by 0.34 inches, and weighs 1.33 pounds. Dr. Little points out, however, that to a man who is only 2.5 inches tall and weighing four ounces, the iPad is huge. "It would be like having a small house set down on top of you," Dr. Little said. "Kind of like that witch in the Wizard of Oz, you know?" Another Apple spokesman, who asked to remain anonymous, said he warned his colleagues to not miniaturize Steve Jobs. "This whole trend of making things smaller and smaller has gotten out of hand," he said. "You get to a point where small is good, but we've gone too far." Dr. Little said that they cannot restore Steve Jobs to his original size until he has recovered from his injuries. "If we tried to do that," he said, "he would burst through the miniaturized body cast that he's in now. That would not be good."