Our New World HQ Offices

Chicago News Bench is pleased to announce that we've recently acquired a brand spanking new office complex. It will house our world headquarters in a geniune brick structure, complete with a door, windows and cold running water. For security reasons, we can't disclose the address, but believe me when I say that this new facility is just what we needed. Our dedicated staff of 247 enter through the front door and are whisked 480 feet underground to the four-foot thick steel reinforced bunker, wherein we actually have hot running water and a whole lot of electronic stuff to play with. Indoor shooting range, subsidized cafeteria and daycare center are just some of the perks we share with our faithful crew. We have special, hardened telephone lines connected directly to iOwnTheWorld, the Kremlin and Domino's Pizza. We are excited about the small nuclear power generator that will be installed next month, which will allow us to keep the water and air recycling systems in full operation in the event of any emergency. Conservative Caps, Shirt and more! Leave a Comment - Chicago News Bench RSS Feed Visit us on Twitter!