Explaining Derivatives to Michael Moore

by Thomas J. Powell Documentarian Michael Moore’s latest project, Capitalism: A Love Story aimed at highlighting a number of flaws concerning the economic system upon which our country is built. In his film, Moore infiltrates Wall Street and Washington D.C. to “explore the root causes of the global economic meltdown.” In one scene, he attempts to make a citizens arrest of the AIG board of directors. In another, he drives an armored car to Merrill Lynch and attempts, kind of, to collect $10 billion on behalf of the American people. While searching for answers in high-profile places, Moore asks financial professionals to explain complex terms, such as derivatives. In an attempt to provide this answer for Mr. Moore, I thought I would revisit a scenario I created last year. The following is a fictional example. It never happened, except for in my head. There is and always has been stiff competition between Las Vegas casinos. Located miles from the strip, Sin and Tonic Casino relies on clever ideas from their owner, Dale, to increase profits. In the summer of 2005, Dale decided to unveil a ‘Play Now, Pay Later’ program to his loyal customers. Dale’s customers, most of whom rarely left the casino because they had no home or job to maintain, were allowed to gamble and drink while management kept tabs on how much money they were each blowing through. The customers told all of their friends down by the river about Sin and Tonic’s new program and soon the casino was always filled to record numbers for the property. Dale decided to lower the payouts on all of his table games and slot machines and also increase the price of alcoholic beverages. But, because his customers were not required to pay right away, no one seemed to complain. Dale’s sales blew through the roof and caught the attention of local banks. One bank referred to Dale’s customers’ debts as “valuable” and offered to increase Dale’s borrowing limit. With Dale’s customers’ debts as collateral, the bank turned the debts into securities known as Sin-a-Bonds. Soon, the Sin-a-Bonds were being traded on security markets nationwide. Investors across the country, and soon across the entire world, never knew the AAA-rated Sin-a-Bonds were, in reality, the debts of homeless gambling addicts. Leading brokerage firms were selling loads of Sin-a-Bonds and their prices continued to escalate at a surprising rate. Everything was fine until pesky risk managers started poking around and demanding the gamblers to start making payments on their debts. On a busy Saturday night at Sin and Tonic, Dale informed his customers that payments needed to start being made that Monday. The remainder of Saturday night and all day Sunday, Sin and Tonic was filled to capacity. On Monday morning Dale and his employees were witness to the first day without customers in the casino’s history. Not one of the customers came in to make payments on their debts and the ones that stumbled around drunk in the parking lot claimed they “hadn’t got no money.” Dale told the bank he could not pay back any of the money they lent him and he quickly decided to claim bankruptcy. Sin-a-bonds dropped to near-worthless levels and investors lost their money. Plus, the bank that issued the Sin-a-Bonds saw its capital depleted and they were consequently unable to offer any more loans. The bank laid off all of their employees and closed. Dale was unable to pay any of his bills and all the companies that granted him payment extensions had to take massive loses, as Dale was their largest customer. The carpet cleaning service was forced to downsize, the vending companies were left with handfuls of damaged machines that no one else was interested in and alcohol suppliers were left with large inventories that could not possibly be consumed without Dale’s heavy-drinking clientele. The brokerage firms that sold the Sin-a-Bonds were in heavy distress. Eventually, the government stepped in to save them by creating a bailout package that was funded by tax payers from states where gambling is prohibited. Dale retired from the casino business and is now rumored to be heavily involved in politics. Thomas J. Powell is a Liberty Features Syndicated investment writer. Conservative Caps, Shirt and more! Leave a Comment - Chicago News Bench RSS Feed Visit us on Twitter!