Chicago Gay Pride 2009 to Emphasize Accomplishments, Not Crotches (Satire)

A spokesperson for the 2009 Chicago Gay Pride Parade says that the emphasis will be more on "pride" this year and "less on crotches." 

"We're all very proud," the spokesperson said, "of the great accomplishments that so many gays and lesbians have made. We're proud of our artistic contributions, of our economic and business success, of our overcoming of great social barriers and centuries of persecution." 

"Then why" I asked, "is there so much emphasis on crotches? What does a bare rump hanging out of a tutu have to do with any of that? Doesn't it just perpetuate tired, undesirable stereotypes?" 

"Sure," the spokesperson replied, "that's why, this year, we're requiring all of the parade participants to wear modest, business casual clothing. I mean, if you go to a Polish Pride parade or an African-American pride parade, for example, the participants use the parade to highlight their accomplishments, not their genitalia. It's a forum for promoting their contributions to society, not to solicit a quick hum job in the alley." 

"So, no more lewd parade float riders? No more throbbing crotches?" I asked. 

"No more," the spokesman said. Of course, this conversation never happened. No spokesman said those things, and probably never will.