Friday, March 13, 2009

Lucky Thirteen (Updated)

Okay, Happy Friday the 13th. That's today. Did you stay at home, afraid to venture out for fear of bad luck? Do you have paraskevidekatriaphobia (fear of Friday the 13th)? Or perhaps you are triskaidekaphobic, with a general fear of all things 13. Some advice for you, then, from Stevie Wonder: When you believe in things that you dont understand, Then you suffer, Superstition aint the way Not all things that come in 13 are bad: The United States began with 13 states, and as a nation we've been pretty lucky. (Until last November, of course, but even that will pass.) There are 13 lunar menstrual cycles in a year (13 x 28 = 364 days). If you're a woman not yet in menopause who does not wish to be pregnant, well, you get lucky 13 times in a calendar year. Which always signals that you haven't been getting excessively lucky, if catch get my meaning. Friday, March 13, 2009: Heartland Cafe shut down by Chicago health inspectors for multiple health code violations. Unlucky for Heartland, but very lucky for hundreds of patrons who might have gotten sick by eating contaminated food. A "baker's dozen" contains 13, not 12, of something. This helps police departments nationwide to save money. 13 is currently a lucky number for "American Idol," which has 13 finalists (not 12), and as a result its season has been extended by a week. Lucky for "Idol" fans, yes. (For normal people, I not so much.) Chicago Alderman Joe Moore has 13 toes, six on his left foot and seven on his right foot. The extra toes allow him to run faster, jump higher and kick harder, which gives him an advantage whenever he chases criminals through alleys. Some of Moore's criminal constituents have demanded that he have his extra toes surgically removed to give "toe disadvantaged" purse snatchers in Rogers Park a "level playing field." "Ain't nobody fass as Jo Mo," said one purse snatcher, "it's dem damn eksra toes he got, yo. It ain't fayr!" In China, 13 is considered lucky. But then, restaurants in China often feature rat-on-a-stick as an appetizer. Atomic number 13 is a metallic element found mainly in bauxite, which is made into aluminum. Lucky for us, aluminum is a versatile, lightweight metal. Think about that, triskaidekaphobics, as you cower in your home today sipping a beverage from an aluminum can. Perhaps you home has aluminum siding? 13 is a prime number. Nothing lucky about being prime. Chapter 13 is can stop the foreclosure on your house. That's good, right? Chicago News Bench RSS Feed Cool Stuff...