Hot Gift Ideas for Everyone on Your List
This is a spoof of an actual list that Alderman Moore emailed. The Bench intercepted a copy, then checked it - twice. In his original, Moore offered few or no choices of stores and vendors in each of the "categories" below, sent to constituents in an email. Naturally, we edited it a bit and added more choices. And than embellished it a bit more. Don't take it too seriously, but know that all of the businesses mentioned are real and that The Bench accepted no campaign contributions from any of them.
1. For your loved one or teen in your life
How about a set of new bicycles for some quality & healthy time together? Check out Roberts Cycle at 7054 N. Clark. We all like choice, so also check out Uptown Bikes at 4653 N. Broadway.
2. For the city gal or guy with a little country in their soul
I should have said “sole.” Get it? Check out Jessica's Western Wear at 7015 N. Clark for great boots, cowboy hats, suede jackets, bandanas, belt buckles and more. It's a little bit more of Tijuana right here in the 49th Ward. Want more choices? Check out Alcala's Western Wear at 1733 W. Chicago Avenue and MB Sales Western Wear at 918 N. Ashland Avenue. Of course, if you’re looking for high quality business suit, you’ll need to leave Rogers Park entirely.
3. For the pet lover - or for your "child"
Rogers Bark Pet Salon at 1447 W. Jarvis and Bark Place Chicago at 1775 W. Greenleaf offer natural foods, treats, toys, gear and services. Of course, I neglected to say that very near by there is also Paradise Pet Salon & Spa Too at 810 W Sheridan Rd, Chicago (773) 929-9691and Mickey's Pet Salon at 2805 W Touhy Ave, Chicago (773) 338-9753. If you need horse or donkey supplies, you might try Saddlers Row at 20066 N Rand Road in Palatine, IL 60074 (847) 776-6700. I’m not sure where monkey supplies can be found around here.
4. For a friend who enjoys a little "holiday cheer"
I love holiday cheer, even when there’s no holiday in sight. It’s okay, though, I’ve got it “under control.” Say, I love those hard-to-find Belgian beers from Rogers Park Fine Wine and Spirits at 6733 N. Clark. It’s what I drink at the Oasis and at Cubs games. You could also try a personally selected basket filled with fine wines, stemware and gourmet foods from Taste Food & Wine at 1506 W. Jarvis. Do you love foie gras as much as I do? At Alinea Restaurant you can get you can enjoy their crabapple foie gras with brown sugar and sorrel. They’re not in Rogers Park, of course, but they’re not far, at 1723 North Halsted (312-867-0110). Or you could head north to Oceanique in Evanston and get the pan seared foie gras with pineapple-apple chutney, yu toy and carmelized pineapple. O-my-God, it’s to die for.
5. For the budding musician or the maestro
Flatts and Sharpe Music Company at 6749 N. Sheridan has a great selection of printed music and instruments. Or, you could drive ten minutes to beautiful Evanston and shop at The Guitar Works, 709 Main Street (847-475-0855). They’ve done business with/repaired the gear of Styx, Tesla, The Who, The Ramones, Jars of Clay, The Indigo Girls, Urge Overkill, Steve Goodman, John Prine, Jethro Burns, David Grisman, David Bromberg, John Hartford, John Fogerty, Los Lobos, Steve Albini, Smashing Pumpkins, Muriel Anderson, Chet Atkins, Eddy Clearwater, Lonnie Brooks, Son Seals, Honey Boy Edwards, and Larry Coryell, as well as what seems to be just about every student, enthusiast and jobbing musician within a 50-mile radius of our store. Wow! Evanston rocks!
6. For the collector or the eccentric
Whether you are seeking a vibrating dildo, a French tickler or lubricating gel, Early To Bed can help you get your rocks off. They’re just down the road at 5232 N Sheridan Road. Ask to see their selection of butt plugs! Another great shop is Tulip, located just off the Red Line station, at 1480 W Berwyn Avenue. Tip toe down to Tulip! Whoa, I almost my favorite: The Leather Archives and Museum at 6418 N. Greenview Avenue (773) 761-9200. Not for the faint of heart!
7. For the shorties
I love calling children "shorties." It makes me sound so, you know, urban. Gap Kids is great! They’re located at 3333 W. Touhy Avenue in exotic Lincolnwood. There’s also Payless Shoes, 1751 W Howard Street. After a day of shopping with the kiddies, you’ll need a drink. Head over to Bruno’s Lounge at 6562 N. Sheridan Road, conveniently located near the sidewalk.
8. For the art lover
Rogers Park is home to many fine artists, but there are many crappy artists here, too. Why take a chance on quality when you can hop over to Direct Office Furniture Warehouse at 7232 N Western Avenue. Want to do it yourself? Skip over to the Sherwin-Williams Company Paint Stain & Wallpaper Stores, just over the border at 621 Howard Street in neighboring Evanston.
9. A little something for everyone--and stocking stuffers galore!
Department stores are great for a diversity of products and styles. Find treasures at Marshalls, 7507 N. Clark Street. Or find unbelievable bargains a Morse Avenue’s anchor, the Family Dollar Store at 1425 W. Morse Avenue.
10. Ah yes, gift certificates
Stop into any Dominick’s or Jewel and you’ll find a big rack of gift cards to all kinds of stuff!
Hosting a holiday party?
Why bother? Come over to my house and try Barbara’s eggnog. You’re always welcome at our place.
Need more hints?
My staff is too busy compiling dossiers on local bloggers, but you can find some nice stuff at http://www.specialtyadvertisingbb.com/.
Sincerely,
Joe Moore
Visit the website of the 49th Ward
Click here just for the hell of it
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Alderman Joe Moore's Holiday Shopping Advice
Hot Gift Ideas for Everyone on Your List
This is a spoof of an actual list that Alderman Moore emailed. The Bench intercepted a copy, then checked it - twice. In his original, Moore offered few or no choices of stores and vendors in each of the "categories" below, sent to constituents in an email. Naturally, we edited it a bit and added more choices. And than embellished it a bit more. Don't take it too seriously, but know that all of the businesses mentioned are real and that The Bench accepted no campaign contributions from any of them.
1. For your loved one or teen in your life
How about a set of new bicycles for some quality & healthy time together? Check out Roberts Cycle at 7054 N. Clark. We all like choice, so also check out Uptown Bikes at 4653 N. Broadway.
2. For the city gal or guy with a little country in their soul
I should have said “sole.” Get it? Check out Jessica's Western Wear at 7015 N. Clark for great boots, cowboy hats, suede jackets, bandanas, belt buckles and more. It's a little bit more of Tijuana right here in the 49th Ward. Want more choices? Check out Alcala's Western Wear at 1733 W. Chicago Avenue and MB Sales Western Wear at 918 N. Ashland Avenue. Of course, if you’re looking for high quality business suit, you’ll need to leave Rogers Park entirely.
3. For the pet lover - or for your "child"
Rogers Bark Pet Salon at 1447 W. Jarvis and Bark Place Chicago at 1775 W. Greenleaf offer natural foods, treats, toys, gear and services. Of course, I neglected to say that very near by there is also Paradise Pet Salon & Spa Too at 810 W Sheridan Rd, Chicago (773) 929-9691and Mickey's Pet Salon at 2805 W Touhy Ave, Chicago (773) 338-9753. If you need horse or donkey supplies, you might try Saddlers Row at 20066 N Rand Road in Palatine, IL 60074 (847) 776-6700. I’m not sure where monkey supplies can be found around here.
4. For a friend who enjoys a little "holiday cheer"
I love holiday cheer, even when there’s no holiday in sight. It’s okay, though, I’ve got it “under control.” Say, I love those hard-to-find Belgian beers from Rogers Park Fine Wine and Spirits at 6733 N. Clark. It’s what I drink at the Oasis and at Cubs games. You could also try a personally selected basket filled with fine wines, stemware and gourmet foods from Taste Food & Wine at 1506 W. Jarvis. Do you love foie gras as much as I do? At Alinea Restaurant you can get you can enjoy their crabapple foie gras with brown sugar and sorrel. They’re not in Rogers Park, of course, but they’re not far, at 1723 North Halsted (312-867-0110). Or you could head north to Oceanique in Evanston and get the pan seared foie gras with pineapple-apple chutney, yu toy and carmelized pineapple. O-my-God, it’s to die for.
5. For the budding musician or the maestro
Flatts and Sharpe Music Company at 6749 N. Sheridan has a great selection of printed music and instruments. Or, you could drive ten minutes to beautiful Evanston and shop at The Guitar Works, 709 Main Street (847-475-0855). They’ve done business with/repaired the gear of Styx, Tesla, The Who, The Ramones, Jars of Clay, The Indigo Girls, Urge Overkill, Steve Goodman, John Prine, Jethro Burns, David Grisman, David Bromberg, John Hartford, John Fogerty, Los Lobos, Steve Albini, Smashing Pumpkins, Muriel Anderson, Chet Atkins, Eddy Clearwater, Lonnie Brooks, Son Seals, Honey Boy Edwards, and Larry Coryell, as well as what seems to be just about every student, enthusiast and jobbing musician within a 50-mile radius of our store. Wow! Evanston rocks!
6. For the collector or the eccentric
Whether you are seeking a vibrating dildo, a French tickler or lubricating gel, Early To Bed can help you get your rocks off. They’re just down the road at 5232 N Sheridan Road. Ask to see their selection of butt plugs! Another great shop is Tulip, located just off the Red Line station, at 1480 W Berwyn Avenue. Tip toe down to Tulip! Whoa, I almost my favorite: The Leather Archives and Museum at 6418 N. Greenview Avenue (773) 761-9200. Not for the faint of heart!
7. For the shorties
I love calling children "shorties." It makes me sound so, you know, urban. Gap Kids is great! They’re located at 3333 W. Touhy Avenue in exotic Lincolnwood. There’s also Payless Shoes, 1751 W Howard Street. After a day of shopping with the kiddies, you’ll need a drink. Head over to Bruno’s Lounge at 6562 N. Sheridan Road, conveniently located near the sidewalk.
8. For the art lover
Rogers Park is home to many fine artists, but there are many crappy artists here, too. Why take a chance on quality when you can hop over to Direct Office Furniture Warehouse at 7232 N Western Avenue. Want to do it yourself? Skip over to the Sherwin-Williams Company Paint Stain & Wallpaper Stores, just over the border at 621 Howard Street in neighboring Evanston.
9. A little something for everyone--and stocking stuffers galore!
Department stores are great for a diversity of products and styles. Find treasures at Marshalls, 7507 N. Clark Street. Or find unbelievable bargains a Morse Avenue’s anchor, the Family Dollar Store at 1425 W. Morse Avenue.
10. Ah yes, gift certificates
Stop into any Dominick’s or Jewel and you’ll find a big rack of gift cards to all kinds of stuff!
Hosting a holiday party?
Why bother? Come over to my house and try Barbara’s eggnog. You’re always welcome at our place.
Need more hints?
My staff is too busy compiling dossiers on local bloggers, but you can find some nice stuff at http://www.specialtyadvertisingbb.com/.
Sincerely,
Joe Moore
Visit the website of the 49th Ward
Click here just for the hell of it
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