Joe Moore Goes Back to School

Here is a nice email blast from 49th Ward Alderman Joseph A. Moore, August 20, 2008. To help you understand his email, The Bench will translate each paragraph. Dear Neighbor, Please join me for my 18th Annual BACK TO SCHOOL PICNIC, this Sunday, August 24th, from Noon to 4:00 p.m. at Loyola Park (Farwell and the Lake). TRANSLATION: Screw the Glenwood Avenue Arts Festival, which will be going on this Saturday and Sunday. Come over to MY event for lots of free stuff. Of course, I'll be taking names and numbers, and you'll be expected to vote for me when I run for Congress one day. While we will be emphasizing the importance of kids returning to school, this a community picnic for people of all ages. We'll be serving up free food, drinks and music and offering a host of games and prizes. We'll have bingo for the seniors and face painting, a dance contest, and the City of Chicago's popular Jumping Jack for the kids. In short, it will be a fun day for everyone! TRANSLATION: While we will pretend to emphasize the importance of kids returning to school, hardly a word will be said about that. Look, this is just another opportunity for me to act like Mister Generosity. It's is another chance for me to get in some politicking with one of my "satellite offices" in the park. When I do that, it's considered to be "official" business, so it doesn't cost me a dime! Rest assured, however, that I'll do my best to make you think that it's my personal generosity that provides the free bread and circus for alla y'all. In short, screw the Glenwood Avenue Arts Festival, come over to MY event! For more information, please reply to this e-mail or call my Ward Service Office at 773-338-5796. TRANSLATION: I probably won't respond to your email or phone calls, but it looks good to have this in my email. Odds are, you'll get either get one of my overpaid office staff or one of my underpaid office staff, none of whom will give a clown's ass about whatever it is you're trying to tell me. I look forward to seeing you on Sunday! TRANSLATION: Screw the Glenwood Avenue Arts Festival, come over to MY event! Sincerely, TRANSLATION: Sincere? Ha! Joe Moore Visit the website of the 49th Ward Click here so we can remove you from our email list