May 20, 2008

CAPS 2431: New Spy Cameras, New Gang, New Bullshit

More warm fuzzy crap at CAPS 2431 last night. Gosh, we're so lucky we live in this beat. I arrived a few minutes late, at 7:15. A Morse Avenue merchant was asking CAPS for more help in getting the gang scum to stop hanging in front of his store. He was told that as a business owner, he should not be afraid to "take risks," advising him to confront the gangsters even if it means physical confrontation. This, apparently, is the CPD's idea of serving and protecting. Oh, yes, and put up a "No Loitering" sign. See, the merchant was told, the sign "gives notice" to the scum and thereby gives police officers "leverage." Let's review: Merchants should physically confront gangsters who are loitering on the sidewalk in front of their businesses. Cops don't have to break up loiterers if there is no "No Loitering" sign displayed. Without the sign, the cops have no "leverage." Great. Open a business in Rogers Park, folks, but don't be afraid to get your nose bloodied. The CPD sent some flack from downtown to the 2431 meeting. According to the flack, Police Beat 2431 is "doing great," this beat is better than most. Boy, crime is so low that it seemed kind of silly for DevCorp North's Rene Camargo to reveal that we will be getting three new police cameras on Morse Avenue. Three! Things are so good in Beat 2431 that merchants should not be afraid to get bloodied while doing the work of the police, CPD sends a clown up north to tell us we're lucky as hell to live here because it's so much worse in other beats, and Rene Camargo announces three new spy cameras. Too many fools attend CAPS meetings and walk out believing the propaganda they are told. Crime is down, it ain't so bad, it could be worse, there were only a few arrests, homicide is not always technically murder, and so on. Get a scanner people. Know what's happening. Just because you don't see it, just because the CAPS capos don't admit it, does not mean that crime is not happening all around you. Stuff you will never see in the papers, hear on the radio or see on television. Get a scanner. Listen to it. Then go to your next CAPS meeting armed with knowledge, and you will know the bullshit when you hear it. There is already a camera on the northwest corner of Morse and Glenwood. Where will those cameras be? One will be underneath the CTA tracks on Morse (a blind spot for the current camera), another at Wayne and Morse, and one at Morse and Glenwood, "looking north." The owner of the Oasis bar at Pratt and Sheridan, Michelle, told us that the only bar in the hood with a 4:00 a.m. license just got their new safety plan approved by the Commissioner of liquor licenses. Michelle had to submit an amended plan; they did not like the first version. Remember, folks. Alderman Moore and DevCorp and CPD and Mayor Daley keep lying about crime going down. We're told this is a safe neighborhood. But the Oasis needed a new safety plan. If things are getting better, then the Oasis's previous plan should have been getting relatively better, too. Apparently, the Oasis's new safety plan was just for fun. Wasn't really needed, folks, crime is going down! Don't really need those three new cameras on Morse Avenue, either. They're just so we can keep an eye on all the new flowers that the long-promised Morse Avenue Streetscape is sure to bring in. Right? Another neighborhood walk was announced for Friday, May 23 at 7:00 p.m. beginning at the Kilmer Elementary School's parking lot, 6700 N. Greenview Avenue. Now, with crime going down and us being so lucky to live in this virtually crime free police beat, why would we need a neighborhood walk to take back the streets? Hmmm? Finally, The Bench spoke with a couple of friendly police officers who said that there is a new gang forming in the neighborhood. The punks are calling their gang "Loc." The word is a crip gang term meaning crazy, wild or insane [source] and is probably short for "loco." But Alderman Joe Moore can rejoice in the knowledge that this gang is ethnically diverse. The officers told The Bench that they are Hispanic, Black and White. Now, if only they would announce that they will try to operate in an environmentally friendly way, we can all go home and get good night's sleep.