Rich Guy Edwards Drops Out of Race

Multimillionaire John Edwards has dropped out of the 2008 Presidential Campaign. A report from the liberal Reuters news service noted that, "Given that 47 million U.S. citizens lack health insurance and there is a vast gulf in incomes between the richest and poorest Americans one might expect social equality would be a priority for many voters."

Hmmm. Depending on where you read it or who says it, the number of uninsured ranges from 30 million to 50 million. Which is it, already? And why do they never tell us that there are at least 10 million illegal aliens counted in that group? Furthermore, many young people who can afford health insurance opt out on it, feeling they don't need it yet or preferring to spend the money on other things.

As for the statement from Reuters that "there is a vast gulf in incomes between the richest and poorest Americans," well duh. See, folks, it is precisely a vast gulf in incomes between folks that makes them rich or poor. I see some of the poorest Americans every day in Rogers Park, Chicago. Most of them are overweight and buying chips and soda pop with their Illinois Link Card (an electronic food stamps card).

As for John Edwards, The Bench hears that he has big plans for his post-campaign life. He will no longer spend $400 a pop on haircuts, he will sell his mansion and live in a simple one bedroom apartment, and give the vast majority of his wealth to the Salvation Army.

No wait. We're just kidding about that post-campaign stuff.