Smokers: Party At Home

At midnight on New Year's Eve - just as 2007 ends and 2008 begins - it will be illegal to smoke in the bars of Illinois. The bastards in Springfield couldn't have written the law to make it effective at, say, 5:00 a.m. on January 1st. No, the sumbitches had to make it illegal to smoke in the middle of the biggest party of the year. Heartless fiends. The Bench is not in the business of making predictions, but we'll go out on a limb and forecast what we believe the effects of the smoking ban will be in Illinois over the next six months. House parties will increase. Smokers in growing numbers will quickly realize that they can still smoke at home, so why pay money to sit at the bar? This, of course, will cause liquor stores' profits to rise as people stock up to drink at home instead of at a bar. Bars, Restaurants Will Lose Revenue. In fact, The Bench wagers that Illinois bars and restaurants will see losses of 15-40 percent over the next 12 months. You don't have to be an economic wizard to understand this. Tell people they're not welcome, they'll stop coming. Or, at least, will come around less often. But screw the bar owners. How many of them stood up to the politicians? How many bars did you see with signs protesting the legislation? Screw 'em. Start partying at home, people. That's Right. Boycott the Bars. This will accomplish several things: - It will show that bastards in Springfield that they were wrong. - It will demonstrate your political potential. - It will show the bars and restaurants that they should not take you for granted. - It will decrease the amount of taxes going to the pro-ban sumbitches. Think about it. If you're spending less money by partying with friends at a house party, that's less money to be taxed. - It will save YOU a lot of money. Partying at home is waaaaaay cheaper than going to a bar. Non-smokers will go to bars more. Sure, but the type of non-smokers who have avoided the bars because of smoke are not the kind of people who make a party fun. Many non-smokers have frequented bars over the years, understanding that they are voluntarily going into an environment where people are smoking, getting drunk, preparing for fornication, hoping for fornication, throwing up in the bathroom or alleyway, talking dirty, and other icky activities. The non-smokers who have avoided the bars but will go after the ban is in effect will have a damping effect on the party. No, there won't be any smoking to annoy them. But they'll find something else to bitch and whine about. Related: Businesses worry about smoking ban