REVOLUTION IN ROGERS PARK

Chicago - RPB News - Rogers Park Bench's world headquarters are under attack. Communists reeling from the intoxication of a full moon and long suppressed revolutionary impulses are even now attacking the RPB News Center. We are bracing for a .... What?.... What's that?... Ladies and gentlemen, this is getting serious. There was a loud explosion just now and... They are? Oh God, they've broken into the center. Please stand by....