Michelle Obama's Big Ass

Monday, November 24, 2008 | 6:59 AM

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THE I'm not making this up. The media is in a frenzy this week over Michelle Obama's butt. The Salon article that started this stupidity:
I'm a black woman who never thought I'd see a powerful, beautiful female with a body like mine in the White House. Then I saw Michelle Obama -- and her booty! By Erin Aubry Kaplan
Can you imagine, if Mitt Romney had won the election, a male columnist writing something like, "I'm a white man who never thought I'd see a powerful, handsome Mormon with a body like mine in the White House. Then I saw Mitt Romney -- and his package!" I mean,... well, you know what I mean. Know what I mean? Okay, Aubry Kaplan is an imbecile. Nevertheless, she's got a point. See, Michelle got back. The sistah's got it goin' on. She got it aaaaaaaallllll goin' ON! But it's not like Michelle Obama is the first famous Black woman with a large ass. Beyonce Knowles and Jennifer Lopez, for example, have famously big bottoms. Why did Aubry Kaplan never gush over their butts? (I apologize for using "gush" and "butts" in the same sentence.) Lest you think I'm some kind of racist for posting this, let me remind the dimmer amongst you that Mizz Kaplan is a Sister-American. SHE started this. The rest of us are just picking up on it, like Mark Anthony Neal. He's a Brother-American, and he knows his booty and seems to present himself as some kind of booty historian. Neal's short column on XVibe has the weird headline, "Is Michelle Obama's "Ass" Off Limits?" He never really answer the question directly, but the fact that he wrote about it indicates that he thinks Michelle's enormous back side is fair game. He feels that "it might be helpful to place this fascination with Michelle Obama's ass into some historical context." More like "hysterical context," but Neal goes on with a straight face to write about the "realness" that Michelle Obama "embodies" and about "notions of accessibility and availability." (Huh?) Neal writes that the most important lesson we can learn from "the history of black women in this country" is "the idea that black women's bodies were accessible and available to any--and all--" and that this "concretely frames our understandings of black women's histories." Huh?!? So, lemme get dis shtrait - Michelle Obama's ample poop chute is a metaphor for the suffering of Black women in America? Whah? (And how have Black women been more "accessible and available to any--and all--" than women of any other race?) Many web sites, newspapers, magazines, radio stations and television news shows will discuss Michelle Obama's big ass today and this week. It started last weekend, actually. One web site, oddly named "Mom Logic," ran a piece (no pun intended) called "Michelle Obama's Got Back!" (Pray for the children of the logical mothers reading that crap.) The Bench will not show Michelle Obama's big ass here, out of respect for the soon-to-be First Sistah. However, to illustrate what we are discussing, please see the photo of a big ass (left). It seems such a shame that, with such hope for Change and Enlightenment, we're getting all worked up about the president elect's wife's junk in the trunk. I mean, what happened to dignity? As you search for articles about First Booty, you'll notice that the vast majority of writers seem to be Democrats. Well, the symbol for their party, after all, is an ass. RELATED: MyFox Washington DC Police: Crack Found in Man's Buttocks In praise, or not, of Michelle Obama's butt Female Buttocks: Symptoms and Signs by Body Region on MedicineNet.com WikiAnswers - Why does Beyonce have a big butt Who's has a bigger butt, Beyonce Knowles or Jennifer Lopez Flanders Buttocks Ointment Kim Kardashian has a large ass Karl Rove Has a Large Ass - Democratic Underground

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