The 49th Mental Ward of Chicago

Honestly? Hmmm. I don't mean to beat a story that's already been beaten coast to coast, but let's face it: This is funny as hell. It's also about a woman who lives in what is quickly becoming known as the weirdest neighborhood in America. Thanks, in part, to folks like her. Honestly.

She is is Amy Carlton (photo). Remember, she insists that she is not dumb. Honestly.

According to a report in the Chicago Tribune, there was weirdness at a polling place in Rogers Park on Super Tuesday. "Later that afternoon," the Trib reported, "election officials shook their heads in disbelief as investigators confirmed 20 ballots in the 49th Ward's 42nd precinct were cast with inkless pens."

You haven't heard about this? Inkless pens, and 20 people were dumb enough to fall for it. Amy Carlton, for instance. Honestly.

The Trib reported that "Amy Carlton, 38, of Rogers Park said that all the judges at the polling place insisted they had been trained in the use of the pens." Okay.... uh, ... we'll come back to that training thing. Honestly.

"I've voted before," the Trib reports Carlton said. "I was thinking 'This is crazy.' But when someone in authority insists, what are you supposed to do?"

Whatever happened to that "Question Authority" thing that liberals are so fond of plastering on their bumpers and backpacks? Oh, yes, they no longer question it. They vote for more of it these days. Which brings us obtusely back to that training thing.

The authority for most of the election judges in the 49th Ward is one David Fagus. Now, I'm not saying he personally trained the judges in the use of the invisible ink pens, but I would not be surprised if he at least knew about it. Fagus, a Democrat, is one of the most faithful servants of 49th Ward Alderman Joe Moore, also a Democrat. As the 49th Ward Democrat Committeeman, it's his job to know what's going on with election judges. Honestly.

Let's go back to Amy Carlton. I wouldn't pick on her in this public manner if she was just another gullible sucker who believes even the most ridiculous bullshit just because "someone in authority insists" that the bullshit is really strawberry shortcake. Honestly.

No, Ms. Carlton has been a seeker of the public eye. Therefore, The Bench considers her to be fair game. She runs a God-awful blog called RubberNun.net. On Wednesday, February 6 she wrote this brilliant defense of her authority-inspired gullibility:

"I told the Sun-Times that magic pens sounded just stupid enough to be true." But she's not dumb. Honestly.

"Anyway," Amy continued, "for reasons ranging from being lied to to just not thinking clearly at 7 am, I got screwed yesterday, and I fought back. And now I'm an object of ridicule from the neighborhood jagoff's* blog (the execrable Morse Hellhole) to Wonkette."

She "fought back" how? She swallowed the story and "voted." That's "fighting back"? She complains that she's now being made fun of all across this great land of ours, from neighborhood blogs to Wonkette. By the way, it's hundreds of bloggers posting about this. Honestly, hundreds.

Amy Carlton should just pretend that we're laughing with her, not at her. No, really. Honestly.

The not-dumb-honestly Amy Carlton continued her brilliant defense statement:

"No, wait! The moral of the story is: Who gives a rat's ass what people think? I'd do it again, people. It was the right thing to do.You gotta fight. For your right. To vooooooooooote! Just watch what you say to the media afterwards."

Sooooo, she'd fall for the invisible ink trick again. Falling for it the first time was "the right thing to do." And somehow doing that is fighting for your right to vote? Huh?

Honestly, folks. She's not dumb. Take her word for it.